When Losing Was Winning

 Dear Me,

If I can be honest about this healing journey as a single mother, here’s where I’m at:

I saw the signs before, but they were tucked in between pockets of our “good” moments. I’ll never forget that conversation between him, his roommate, and me. He was being harsh about pregnancy and motherhood, and up until then, I’d been able to accept our differences of opinion. But that one stood out. I didn’t want to break up, I just wanted us to slow down and find common ground on something I felt so strongly about.

But here’s the truth, girl: when you operate outside of God’s will, sin will take you further than you ever wanted to go and keep you longer than you ever wanted to stay. While I was trying to navigate those feelings, I became pregnant. I just knew our love would stand the test of time. But human love without God in it? Baby, it’s nothing.

Fast forward… and there I was…A single mom, leaving with two under two. Hard doesn’t even begin to describe it. I cried. I begged. I fought for my family. And then…I lost. But here’s the twist: losing was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because now, even though life is still messy (and yes, sometimes very ghetto 😂), I am living proof that God is a redeemer, a provider, a friend, a father—the I AM that I AM.

I’m proof that you can leave and still level up. And while it hurt like nothing else, I’ve discovered that me and my girls deserve so much better. We deserve nervous systems that aren’t always in fight-or-flight. We deserve happy talks over dinner, loud car rides singing random songs, impromptu picnics, beach trips, and park days. I got my whimsy back—and I love that for us.

I’m writing this down because I need you to remember: your tears, mistakes, traumas, and “bad decisions” weren’t wasted. They were stored up like oil in an alabaster box, waiting for this moment. If these words reach even one woman who needs them, then you’ve made your Father in heaven proud—and that’s all the recognition you’ll ever need.

So hold this truth close: if God did it for you, He can do it for someone else too.

Bible Verses about the alabaster box: 

1. Matthew 26:6–13 

2. Mark 14:3–9

3. Luke 7:36–50

With love,

From the know-it-all who truly knows nothing at all 💜