More Than Just a Mom!

 Falling Back in Love with Me

I am finally becoming comfortable in my own skin again. And let me tell you—it’s been a journey. After sharing my body with not one, but two whole humans, it was tough looking in the mirror and seeing myself the way I should. My self-esteem took a nosedive, and even though my family and friends spoke life into me, it still wasn’t enough.

If you looked up "overworked, overstimulated, and exhausted" in the dictionary, I’m convinced you’d find a picture of me—hair undone, maternity bra on, and bleach-stained T-shirt in full glory. Who knew motherhood would be this taxing? And when I looked toward my future, I felt this quiet sense of despair. Why? Because once you're a mom, you're always a mom! There’s no “clocking out,” no PTO, no “I quit” button.

Sure, I could walk away from my kids (some mamas have), but my moral compass would be completely out of whack. And truthfully, I love my girls. They are the most precious parts of me. But to keep showing up as the mother they deserve, I need a break. On my terms. When I want it, how I want it. Period.

Struggling, but Still Standing

This phase of my life? Whew. It has been hard. I’ve lost friendships, relationships, and connections I truly thought would last forever. Maybe one day, some of them will be restored, but for now? It sucks. I gained two beautiful daughters who I love more than life itself, but in the process, I had to give up so much of myself just to be present for them.

I used to be a girl who loved her upkeep. Hair always done. Nails fresh. Bags, perfumes, books, sneakers—if it brought me joy, I indulged. Now? All of that took a backseat to bills, baby clothes, and “adulting.” Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who I was. Suddenly, I wasn’t Xavia anymore—I was just “Mom.” And for a while, that realization made it hard to find joy in my own life.

Navigating Motherhood Alone

I never expected to be doing motherhood solo. I created my babies out of love and a belief in forever. And when that fell apart, when I realized I couldn’t save it—or myself—it was a tough pill to swallow.

Looking back (as I always do), I can admit that I wasn’t vocal enough about my needs. But at the same time, he wasn’t great at reading the room. I remember feeling so low one day, but I didn’t feel safe sharing those thoughts. I was afraid he’d either check me into a hospital, use it against me in our next argument, or just… stare at me blankly.

Instead, I leaned on my best friend. And for the first time in years, I found myself truly opening up. I have always been everyone’s rock, the strong one, the one who bounces back. But single motherhood didn’t give me the luxury of masking my struggles. I had to talk about them. I had to be real.

Rebuilding, One Day at a Time

Lately, I’ve been reconnecting with God. Trying to rebuild my relationship with Him. Because, honestly? I can’t do this alone. The Bible says that in our weakness, He is made strong—that we can cast our cares on Him. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that healing isn’t linear. Some days, I feel good. I’m confident, sure of myself, and excited about my future. And other days? I want to give up.

But one thing remains constant: I am a mother, and I have God.

This season of sacrifice? It won’t last forever. I know that. And despite the moments of frustration, exhaustion, and even a little resentment when I see how free everyone else seems, I’m committed to my story. I’m falling back in love with the main character: me.

And this time? I’m giving her all the love she deserves.