Graduating from Heartbreak

 I’m celebrating breakups in more ways than one. It sounds unusual, but I’m breaking up with more than just a relationship—I’m breaking up with the parts of myself that accepted less than I deserve. Yes, breakups can bruise the ego, leave you feeling bitter, lost, or questioning your worth. But this time, I’m focusing on the bright side, on what this “breakup” is really freeing me from.

I’m no longer looking back at why things couldn’t work. Instead, I’m moving forward, parting ways with the old version of me—the one that accepted treatment that didn’t honor who I am.

Relationships are deeply personal, shaped by beliefs, tolerance levels, life goals, and values. I had a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, things I wanted to give, and expectations I aimed to meet. I committed to being supportive: emotionally, mentally, financially. I showed up fully. What I hoped for in return wasn’t extravagant—I wanted a partner who was kind, educated, with future goals and integrity. I had lived through enough chaos and knew I needed stability.

For a while, he seemed to meet those standards. But over time, some traits that had initially drawn me in began to fade. I saw a lack of drive, unkindness, and emotional unavailability creeping in. While I held space for his struggles, offering therapy suggestions and emotional support, my own imperfections and vulnerabilities became points for criticism instead of shared growth.

He would say, "You’re not perfect; you struggle too," weaponizing my past battles with anxiety and depression, even though I sought therapy to heal. My financial goals? He’d attribute them to my parents’ support rather than my hard work. My faith? He’d dismiss it as fake. Gradually, I realized that while I was nurturing him, he was using my empathy against me. That’s when I shifted my perspective—this wasn’t just a breakup; it was a graduation.

I’m graduating from the version of myself that allowed others to project their insecurities onto me. I’m walking away from relationships where I’d shrink myself for someone else’s comfort. No more pleasing people who only see flaws in gestures of love, no more begging for respect, no more hiding my emotions out of fear. I’m stepping into a new phase—one of genuine self-respect.

This healing journey feels real. At my last therapy session, I didn’t even mention the breakup, not until after I’d hung up did I realize I hadn’t once felt the need to. My breakup is becoming a chapter I’ve finished. And while I never planned for a blended family, I’m finding peace in what is, what was, and what will be.

As a mother, I’m feeling grounded again. My glass is half-full, my hope is restored. I’m re-learning to feel and express my emotions freely without worry of criticism or anger. I love myself fully—the flaws, past mistakes, everything. I’m done with survival mode, where I was simply meeting my girls’ basic needs and spending the rest of my energy hoping for change that never came. Now, my focus is fully on them, on us, on exploring life together.

My girls are getting the best of me, and I’m proud. This future looks bright.

Much love,

Xavia the Know-It-All (who knows nothing at all)