From Grief to Grace: The Power of Choosing Yourself

Life is full of choices, and let me tell you, that gives me a *ton* of anxiety! I’m always overthinking: "What if I make the wrong decision? How do I make the “right”decision? Am I really living for “myself”, or am I just operating from what I was taught?" The internal debates can be endless. Recently, though, I stumbled across a quote that stopped me in my tracks: “No matter what choice I make, I am always going in the right direction.” 

This quote took me right to Romans 8:28: 

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

I’ve had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life this past year, and with them came a wave of grief I wasn’t prepared for. The kicker? I didn’t “want” to make most of these decisions. I “had” to, for the sake of self-care, self-love, and self-respect. I’ve got two little girls who are watching every move I make, listening to every word I say, and absorbing what I accept. It’s my job to teach them about life, and the best way to do that is by living the life I’m teaching them. And let me tell you, sometimes that means facing the hard stuff head-on. 

 So here I am, a single Black woman with two kids and a baby daddy. Whew, Chile! I could slap myself sometimes! I grew up in the church, vowed abstinence, was a “minister”, even abstained for a whole “two years” and yet, here I am: a mother of two, single, and staring down the very path I swore I’d never walk. I fought hard not to make this "mistake," not to create a broken or blended family, but guess what? Life had other plans. 

Grieving decisions made out of self-love and self-respect? That stuff isn’t for the weak. Sometimes, choosing yourself means losing people you care about. The bitterness, guilt, and shame can feel unbearable at times. But here’s what I’ve learned: these emotions are natural, but they don’t have to take up permanent residence in my heart. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to “guard our hearts”, because everything we do flows from it. 

God has been showing me how to keep my heart right, even in the midst of the pain. I’m sharing this to create a safe space for anyone else going through something similar. Sis, you’re not alone. Life's choices are hard, and they come with consequences, but we’re going in the right direction—even when it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes the path we’re on isn’t about avoiding the storm; it’s about walking through it with faith and resilience.

So here’s to those of us out here making tough choices, holding on to faith, and showing our kids what it looks like to choose self-love, even when it hurts. We’ve got this.