Change Starts In Your Mind!
As of lately I have been reading my Bible, praying, listening to motivating words, and applying new principles and practices to my life. I strongly believe that rebuilding and transformation is happening in my life. I have been doing the WORK, going to therapy and leaning into my spirituality. I am now brave enough to face the situations that have hurt me. I am feeling the hurt and finding HEALTHY ways to let it go.
These days I do not have much to say, I keep conversations very short. I have my crew that I express my emotions to because they are my safe spaces to do so but other than that I really don’t have anything to say. As I am healing I am realizing every “how are you?” is not rooted in love and I have to be careful not to be transparent with individuals who do not have good intentions. Part of the things that I am healing from is information I voluntarily gave thinking it was a safe place to share. It was a mistake that so many of us make. But if you are experiencing this type of hurt I encourage you to realize it says more about the person weaponizing your hurts and fears. Get away from people who refuse to do the work. During this time of healing I feel like life hasn’t been turning up the heat. I feel like I haven’t been able to catch a break. But I am determined to lean into my femininity by choosing to disengage in all areas that are causing me to put unnecessary pressure onto my life. Again, I am taking that nap before that nap takes me!
Here is an example of how life has been lifing, I GOT A DAMN BOOT ON MY CAR! Of course PPA always chooses the busiest day of your life to come collect their funds and punish you for not paying something they made up! But in this moment I really tried to remain calm. I gathered all my coins and got as close to the $639 I could get. I ended up needing a little assistance and I legit just started to cry because the person that I had been allowing to take up so much space in my mind wasn’t even reliable enough to call in an emergency. Imagine that! But in that moment I acknowledged my negative feelings and then I began to look at the positive. I was able to get the boot off, I made it to my Shabestie’s son's birthday party and now I am all caught up on my tickets.
In church today the message confirmed the feelings I had this past week which was: Changing my attitude, my response, and my words about the adversities of life. Sometimes life comes at you fast and it can make you forget the current answered prayers you're experiencing. So for this upcoming week I am going to spend time writing down all of the prayers that I prayed that have been answered. I am going to lean into God and my femininity this week.