Your Are Not Okay, You’re Wear a Black Hoodie
Wooooohhhh Chile it pays to have friends who will tell you about yourself. As I walked to the car, hair tied, hoodie on, blue tights, a hospital band and dry ashy feet stuffed into my crocs. My shabestie addressed me with a, “How are you feeling friend?”. I responded “I’m fine”. Chileeeeeee life is always lifing as an adult “if it ain’t one thing it’s another”. She responded, “Honey you’re not okay, you're wearing a black hoodie”. I turned to her and busted out laughing because you know what I’m not okay and that’s okay!
I have been running non stop for the past 3 weeks. My bestfriend visited me and cleaned my house from top to bottom, she bought me things for my house, prayed with me and we got the chance to sit and chat. I went from always being a car ride away to being 1,000 miles away but she doesn’t miss one beat in my life or her Goddaughters life and I am forever grateful.
My sweetest friend had her wedding this weekend and I had the honor of being a bridesmaid. It was the most beautiful wedding I’ve been to because I knew saw the hard work and dedication it took for them to get to that moment. Looking at her brought tears to my eyes because she had grown so much as a mother, women and friend and I was so proud. When two people are dedicated to making things work, it works. I’ve seen her smile go from 100 to 200 times brighter since they began therapy and planning this wedding. I couldn’t be more proud of them both. Shout out to the Cherry’s!
On top of that I’ve been nursing my body back to health and caring for a baby for almost 9 months. My delivery was hectic hemorrhaging during labor and needing 5 blood transfusions and 4 iron transfusions less than 9 months ago is wild. My brain isn’t as sharp as it use to be, I can’t run off of little to no sleep anymore and I suffer a lot from feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious. One thing I will say is it takes a lot to forgive and forget how you were treated during your pregnancy and postpartum stages. But I am learning to be gentle and patient with myself and others. I tried to defend the fact that I was hormonal and honestly depressed during my pregnancy because that’s suppose to be the happiest time of a woman’s life. But having a baby is not for the weak; it affects you mentally, emotionally and physically. I still don’t feel like my normal self and sometimes I hate my life. I love caring for my daughter but the amount of pressure that comes with becomes overwhelming and taxing. I’ve used strengthen and success as a way to cover my fears, anxiety and depression for so long that I’ve found myself living in survival mood yet again. And I hate it! I miss life when I could be gentle, soft, graceful and feminine. While healing from childbirth I’ve been taking more clients, got a new job and trying to not lose myself in the process. I’ve been doing so much that my body literally began to hate me and forced me to rest.
Take that nap before that nap takes you! I landed myself in the hospital because I was over doing it! I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions and work so much that it starts to reflect in my body. I had a severe migraine that lasted from Friday until today, Tuesday. I had been drinking water but I think the pressure that I have on my life right now got the best of me. Again, Take that nap before that nap takes you!