Time, Truth, Freedom

WOW! I haven’t blogged in so long! Life has been lif-ing! But here I am trying to fulfill the promise that Shabestie (Shannon, shameless plug check out her blog: Its All Down Hill After 25) and I made at the beginning of the year. My thoughts have been racing around my head as usual. I’ve had the pleasure of having some deep conversations about different perspectives of life. So this blog is about those different topics that I’ve been discussing lately. Please comment, like and share your thoughts and opinions. 

To begin I would like to share with you where I currently am spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

Spiritually: I have a 6 day streak going on in my YouVersion Bible App so I am super proud of myself. 

Mentally: I am in a space where I don’t recognize myself, I am having difficulty finding my voice and being secure in my decisions. 

Emotionally: I am numb! My boundaries continue to be challenged and or ignored completely. 

Physically: I am in a great space. Healthy and couldn’t be better! 

Here is why I feel like I feel: After my self-love hiatus I felt better than ever! I was traveling and enjoying my single life. Single life did not necessarily feel like a punishment any longer. Over the last year my relationships, friendships, pregnancy and postpartum have taken a toll on my life to the point that I have neglected my self-care and I feel like I have lost myself completely. Expressing this to led to a conversation that I had with Shannon about FORGIVENESS. 

Forgiveness is hard to track because it looks different for everyone. I try to categorize everything because that is how my brain works. So what does forgiveness look like and how long does forgiveness take? For me the healing part is the easy stage; it's avoiding broken people, places and things after I am healed that seems to be my struggle. I tend to give people more grace than they deserve, which often leaves me drained. People will say that they want people who do not hold grudges and can move on quickly but I find that oftentimes those people who embody those characteristics fall victim to manipulators, gaslighters, and everyone's favorite term now NARCISSIST. My goal is to find a balance between being gracious and forgiving while upholding strong boundaries to avoid toxic people. 

Words of Wisdom from Shannon regarding relationships and can even apply to friendships: 

You have to make people meet you at your level. You have accepted so little that you have to really show you are not with that type of treatment anymore and really be DONE! Some relationships have to end for you to embrace new ones or the newness that will come from releasing the old relationship and letting it grow into something different. 

I had to choose myself and run from anything and everything that forced me to abandon my core beliefs and values. I saw a quote on the great social media platform, Twitter, that stated something like: date and befriend people your childhood version of yourself would have wanted to play with. This brings me to my next point: choose people who treat themselves well because if they do not like themselves that will truly not understand why you like them and will try to sabotage the connections, sometimes knowingly other times unknowingly. With all that said, time reveals the truth and truth leads to freedom avoidance of time and truth keeps you stagnate. 

Until Next Time, 

XOXO 

XaviaMichelle