Xavia The Know It All

Recently, I was reading a book that opened my eyes to a sobering truth: in America, laws were intentionally crafted to keep Black women from having the same domestic opportunities as white women. Under the umbrella of Jim Crow, subcategories like Forced Labor , Black Codes , and Vagrancy Statutes were used to limit our ability to rest, stay home, and be supported by our partners the way white women often were. Today, I want to talk about how the residue of those laws still clings to us and how we see it show up in our workplaces, relationships, motherhood, and the very way we view ourselves. The Workplace and the “Strong Black Woman” Lie I work in a role where I’m surrounded by kind and brilliant people. And yet, like so many Black women in corporate America, I often feel the burden of being seen as strong, tireless, and unshakeable whether I want to be or not. I’ve watched others freely express frustration about their workload, management, or unclear processes without fear of be...

 I came across a clip of a pastor preaching about sex before marriage, and whew  conviction, party of one. But before I get into it, let me start by saying this: I’ve always agreed with saving sex for marriage. My life just didn’t always get that memo. Still, my heart has always known what was right, and now I want to share a little of my story not to shame myself or anyone else involved, but to thread together a testimony full of resilience, vulnerability, and a whole lot of “Whew, girl, what were you thinking?” My hope is that by being honest, I can come to peace with my own story and maybe help someone else avoid some of the potholes I hit headfirst or at least make space for us all to reflect on one shared goal: to be better and do better. Let’s Talk About Hell—Yes, That Hell When people talk about hell, it’s usually all fire and brimstone. When people talk about hell, it’s usually all fire, brimstone, and “straight to the pit, no detours, no divine GPS reroute” kind o...

 Falling Back in Love with Me I am finally becoming comfortable in my own skin again. And let me tell you—it’s been a journey. After sharing my body with not one, but two whole humans, it was tough looking in the mirror and seeing myself the way I should. My self-esteem took a nosedive, and even though my family and friends spoke life into me, it still wasn’t enough. If you looked up "overworked, overstimulated, and exhausted" in the dictionary, I’m convinced you’d find a picture of me—hair undone, maternity bra on, and bleach-stained T-shirt in full glory. Who knew motherhood would be this taxing? And when I looked toward my future, I felt this quiet sense of despair. Why? Because once you're a mom, you're always a mom! There’s no “clocking out,” no PTO, no “I quit” button. Sure, I could walk away from my kids (some mamas have), but my moral compass would be completely out of whack. And truthfully, I love my girls. They are the most precious parts of me. But t...

 Loving myself is apparently a radical act. It seems to aggravate the people who don't see themselves the same way. And you know what? That’s okay. Because I’m falling in love with myself all over again. I have survived 100% of my worst days—every heartbreak, disappointment, and setback—and I know there is so much more life ahead, not just for me but for my girls. For the past ten months, I’ve been healing from a breakup. And let me be honest: I haven’t always been intentional about it. I got caught up in bitterness for a while, replaying scenarios in my head, trying to find the “what ifs” and “should haves.” But recently, I had a breakthrough. In therapy, I told my therapist, “I am tired of beating myself up over my failed relationship. Tired of analyzing every little thing I could have done differently while the other person walks away without a second thought.” But it ran deeper than that. She asked me to share the questions I often ask myself. Here they were: What do I do to ma...

February 14, 2025 Whew, chile! I thought I would absolutely dread this day. Watching all the happy couples flood social media with their “forever love” posts while my own love story unraveled like that one loose thread on your favorite crochet cardigan—next thing you know, it’s in shambles. And yes, I know I’m dramatic, but at this point in life, I’ve fully embraced every version of myself. So, let’s get into how I magically made it through my first Valentine’s Day as a single mama! The Countdown to Love Day (Dun, Dun, Dun…) As February 14th crept up, I was nervous. I just knew Jesus was gonna crack the sky and catch me red-handed with all the envious thoughts swirling in my heart. Because listen, my love life? It has been giving Greek tragedy. One love story ended with a tragic burial, and the other? Well, let’s just say I got “baby mommed”—with two kids—and I’m still waiting for my Oscar because the way I’ve been acting like I’m fine? Unmatched. So, here I am, a few days out ...

 Hey Y’all! Whew—what a year! Life has been a whirlwind with work deadlines, family chaos, and personal growth. But before we step into 2025, I need to pause and reflect on what 2024 taught me. In one word: EVERYTHING. Honestly, I feel like I lived 18 different lives in just 12 months. God really dedicated this year to "character development"—and let’s just say, I have some follow-up questions! Looking back, the biggest lesson I learned was to trust myself. It sounds simple, but whew, it’s been a journey. I’ve had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life without knowing how things would play out. Anxiety and postpartum depression hit me like a ton of bricks, reshaping my entire world. And let me tell you, the way people treat you when you’re struggling still baffles me. But through it all, I believe God was strengthening me—mentally, emotionally, physically, financially—so I could grow spiritually. One of the highlights of this growth was rejoining my old church, a pl...