Xavia The Know It All

 Loving myself is apparently a radical act. It seems to aggravate the people who don't see themselves the same way. And you know what? That’s okay. Because I’m falling in love with myself all over again. I have survived 100% of my worst days—every heartbreak, disappointment, and setback—and I know there is so much more life ahead, not just for me but for my girls. For the past ten months, I’ve been healing from a breakup. And let me be honest: I haven’t always been intentional about it. I got caught up in bitterness for a while, replaying scenarios in my head, trying to find the “what ifs” and “should haves.” But recently, I had a breakthrough. In therapy, I told my therapist, “I am tired of beating myself up over my failed relationship. Tired of analyzing every little thing I could have done differently while the other person walks away without a second thought.” But it ran deeper than that. She asked me to share the questions I often ask myself. Here they were: What do I do to ma...

February 14, 2025 Whew, chile! I thought I would absolutely dread this day. Watching all the happy couples flood social media with their “forever love” posts while my own love story unraveled like that one loose thread on your favorite crochet cardigan—next thing you know, it’s in shambles. And yes, I know I’m dramatic, but at this point in life, I’ve fully embraced every version of myself. So, let’s get into how I magically made it through my first Valentine’s Day as a single mama! The Countdown to Love Day (Dun, Dun, Dun…) As February 14th crept up, I was nervous. I just knew Jesus was gonna crack the sky and catch me red-handed with all the envious thoughts swirling in my heart. Because listen, my love life? It has been giving Greek tragedy. One love story ended with a tragic burial, and the other? Well, let’s just say I got “baby mommed”—with two kids—and I’m still waiting for my Oscar because the way I’ve been acting like I’m fine? Unmatched. So, here I am, a few days out ...

 Hey Y’all! Whew—what a year! Life has been a whirlwind with work deadlines, family chaos, and personal growth. But before we step into 2025, I need to pause and reflect on what 2024 taught me. In one word: EVERYTHING. Honestly, I feel like I lived 18 different lives in just 12 months. God really dedicated this year to "character development"—and let’s just say, I have some follow-up questions! Looking back, the biggest lesson I learned was to trust myself. It sounds simple, but whew, it’s been a journey. I’ve had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life without knowing how things would play out. Anxiety and postpartum depression hit me like a ton of bricks, reshaping my entire world. And let me tell you, the way people treat you when you’re struggling still baffles me. But through it all, I believe God was strengthening me—mentally, emotionally, physically, financially—so I could grow spiritually. One of the highlights of this growth was rejoining my old church, a pl...

 I’m a firm believer in finding a takeaway in every experience. Life has taught me that each situation, no matter how big or small, holds a lesson waiting to be uncovered. Yesterday was one of those days. As we drove back from Hallelujah Night, we noticed a car weaving in and out of traffic, speeding and using all four lanes like it owned the road. The driver seemed confident and familiar with the route, but his reckless swerving was unsettling for everyone around him. It reminded me of the old saying, “If you stay in your lane, you’ll be okay.” But yesterday I saw the flipside of that idea, and it taught me something different. On this particular stretch of highway, there were four lanes. My mother settled into lane 2, her “comfort lane,” where she felt safe and in control. Meanwhile, the silver car was racing between lanes, making everyone tense. Eventually, his unpredictable moves forced my mom to switch to lane 3 for her own peace of mind. This reminded me: life isn’t as simple...

 I’m celebrating breakups in more ways than one. It sounds unusual, but I’m breaking up with more than just a relationship—I’m breaking up with the parts of myself that accepted less than I deserve. Yes, breakups can bruise the ego, leave you feeling bitter, lost, or questioning your worth. But this time, I’m focusing on the bright side, on what this “breakup” is really freeing me from. I’m no longer looking back at why things couldn’t work. Instead, I’m moving forward, parting ways with the old version of me—the one that accepted treatment that didn’t honor who I am. Relationships are deeply personal, shaped by beliefs, tolerance levels, life goals, and values. I had a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, things I wanted to give, and expectations I aimed to meet. I committed to being supportive: emotionally, mentally, financially. I showed up fully. What I hoped for in return wasn’t extravagant—I wanted a partner who was kind, educated, with future goals and integrity. I had l...

 I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, y’all! And let me tell you—Chileeeee! I was out here functioning in pure survival mode. Like, seriously, when I look back at pictures and think about the things I was dealing with, I don’t even recognize that girl. Who was she? I don’t know her! Sure it wasn't that bad, but who wants to say that about someone they love.  Now, I’m a firm believer in feeling your feelings—scream, cry, whatever you need—but HOW you react? That’s the part that matters. The Bible even talks about this. It says: “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26 MSG That verse is the only way I can even begin to explain the season I’ve been in. Postpartum depression, anxiety, going through a breakup, working a 9-to-5, and let’s not forget the hardest job of all—raising two beautiful daug...