Xavia The Know It All

 I’m a firm believer in finding a takeaway in every experience. Life has taught me that each situation, no matter how big or small, holds a lesson waiting to be uncovered. Yesterday was one of those days. As we drove back from Hallelujah Night, we noticed a car weaving in and out of traffic, speeding and using all four lanes like it owned the road. The driver seemed confident and familiar with the route, but his reckless swerving was unsettling for everyone around him. It reminded me of the old saying, “If you stay in your lane, you’ll be okay.” But yesterday I saw the flipside of that idea, and it taught me something different. On this particular stretch of highway, there were four lanes. My mother settled into lane 2, her “comfort lane,” where she felt safe and in control. Meanwhile, the silver car was racing between lanes, making everyone tense. Eventually, his unpredictable moves forced my mom to switch to lane 3 for her own peace of mind. This reminded me: life isn’t as simple...

 I’m celebrating breakups in more ways than one. It sounds unusual, but I’m breaking up with more than just a relationship—I’m breaking up with the parts of myself that accepted less than I deserve. Yes, breakups can bruise the ego, leave you feeling bitter, lost, or questioning your worth. But this time, I’m focusing on the bright side, on what this “breakup” is really freeing me from. I’m no longer looking back at why things couldn’t work. Instead, I’m moving forward, parting ways with the old version of me—the one that accepted treatment that didn’t honor who I am. Relationships are deeply personal, shaped by beliefs, tolerance levels, life goals, and values. I had a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, things I wanted to give, and expectations I aimed to meet. I committed to being supportive: emotionally, mentally, financially. I showed up fully. What I hoped for in return wasn’t extravagant—I wanted a partner who was kind, educated, with future goals and integrity. I had l...

 I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, y’all! And let me tell you—Chileeeee! I was out here functioning in pure survival mode. Like, seriously, when I look back at pictures and think about the things I was dealing with, I don’t even recognize that girl. Who was she? I don’t know her! Sure it wasn't that bad, but who wants to say that about someone they love.  Now, I’m a firm believer in feeling your feelings—scream, cry, whatever you need—but HOW you react? That’s the part that matters. The Bible even talks about this. It says: “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26 MSG That verse is the only way I can even begin to explain the season I’ve been in. Postpartum depression, anxiety, going through a breakup, working a 9-to-5, and let’s not forget the hardest job of all—raising two beautiful daug...

  Life as a Mom: When the Sh*t Literally Hits the Fan Let me be real with you—sometimes life can feel like a full-on, no-holds-barred sh*t show. Literally and figuratively. Case in point: tonight, both of my girls decided to poop in the tub at the same time. Oh, the joys of motherhood! There I was, scrubbing the tub in disbelief, while two naked toddlers ran around laughing like it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. And you know what? I had to laugh, too—because in that messy, chaotic moment, I found myself having a revelation. It hit me: life, like this moment, is messy. Unpredictable. And totally out of my control. And sometimes, the only way to survive it is to stop caring so much. I found myself reflecting on three very real truths: What someone else eats doesn’t make me poop (💩)—you do you, and I’ll do me. Just like you can’t control when poop happens, you can’t control life either. Sometimes, the only way to get through it all is to stop giving a (💩). Now, I’m sorry f...

  Finding my “church routine” after being in church leadership? Chile, it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Like, I’m out here trying to love God, follow His word, and live a faith-filled life, but...church has really turned me off. And let me be clear, this is not a “bash the church” blog post because the church raised me! Honestly, my upbringing in church saved me from a whole lot of situations I know some of my peers got tangled in. But now? Whew, chile! The disconnect is real. The Glory Days: Church Vibes Back Then I grew up in the thick of it: Halloween Nights, "Bust a Grubs" (yes, eating and games at church, sign me up!), concerts, dance nights, skating, basketball tournaments—you name it, we did it. My youth church laid the foundation for the faith I have today, and I want that same foundation for my girls. But how do I even begin? So Here’s the Deal… Right now, I’m on a social media fast for the rest of the month. I’m seeking God’s direction as a sing...

 Hey y’all, it’s your girl, Xavia, and let me tell you, I’m in recovery—recovery from over-functioning. Now, before you get it twisted, this doesn’t mean I’m about to start showing up in bare minimum fashion or using this as an excuse to get back at folks who have taken advantage of me. Nope! What it really means is I’m learning to tune into my mind, body, and soul before I make plans or agree to favors. In church terms, they’d call this “discernment.” (And if you’re unfamiliar with that word,  click here for Google to do the heavy lifting.) Here’s the thing—my whole life, I’ve been functioning like my worth is tied to how I show up for others. And let me tell you, that’s a fast track to burnout. I started to realize just how exhausting and unrealistic that mindset was while I was pregnant with my first daughter. Now, I had no clue what motherhood had in store for me. All I knew were the strong women around me, handling everything. My mom, for instance, was always on it, des...